I’m No Longer Tethered

Before cancer I really had no idea what chemotherapy was. I mean, I knew there were different chemotherapy drugs, but were they pills? Injections? Infusions? It turns out that they are all these things and more, plus there are various ways to get those drugs into your body.

I was so naive when my doctors started telling me about all of the ‘in’s’ and ‘out’s’ of the treatment process. I remember thinking that it didn’t all sound too bad. I would get some shots, take lots of pills, get an IV line called a Central Venous Line put in my chest that feeds into my heart (obviously the most frightening part) and a chemo bag. That last one didn’t even register as significant. Chemo bag? That doesn’t sound very threatening.

Well, it is threatening, and it is the worst, most frustrating and annoying part of this whole process. When my treatment began each time I came up here, my nurses and APNs would fill my ugly black rectangular bag with 4 different liquid chemo meds controlled by two battery powered pumps. One pump controls adriamycin, also known as the red devil, and the other pump controls a mixture of cysplatin, cytoxin, and etiposide. Then I have two pill forms and two IV push chemos…but, back to the bag.

Once the drugs are in the bag, the nurse attaches the corresponding IV from each bag into the correct lead going into my heart. My body, my HEART, is literally tethered to that bag. (There have been several occasions I’ve forgotten about the bag and walked off, only to be reminded by the not so subtle yank to my CVL.). I have to take it everywhere. To the bathroom, the store, I have to figure out how to get my clothes on and around/between the lines and bag. It’s in bed with me, and it tries to lull me to sleep with its constant ‘swish-swish’,’swish-swish’. For five whole days! I loath that bag…and I NEVER have to use it again!!

Yesterday was my last bag day! The feeling is so freeing. No more being tethered. No more rearranging to make sure it is in an optimal position. No more quiet ‘swish-swish’ in my ear that always seems to keep me awake. See ya later, alligator! Sorry to say, but you won’t be missed!

“And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” Luke 23:43

Back in Little Rock..Blah

I’ve taken a few weeks of vacation from blogging.  I spent the last four weeks at home with my hubbs and the kiddos and was able to enjoy being mommy again.  That made it much, much harder to leave this time.  Knowing that I am willingly coming back to be imaged, poked, tested and then pumped full of poison made it difficult but leaving my hearts at homemade it even worse.  I have to tell myself over and over that I’m here for them.  I’m going through this to survive for them.  It will ALL be worth it in the end.

I have a MRI scheduled for tomorrow, had my PET yesterday, my bone marrow biopsy and several blood draws today.  I also had a meeting with my PA this morning to go over the weeks I spent at home.  We learned a few very interesting things at this meeting.  The first being that my numbers are EXCELLENT!  Significantly better than the average myeloma patient.  That means that this chemotherapy is kicking some multiple myeloma butt!  I wish we could have left the meeting at that point, but there were a few other, less positive, things we had to hammer out.

According to my numbers I should be feeling great.  Something, though, is making me feel very ‘flu-like’.  I had assumed that it was because I’ve been anemic this whole time and because my immune system has been literally wiped out.  My PA doesn’t think either of those things would make me feel the way I do, so she’s ordered some out-of-the-box viral screens.  Like parvo.  Yup, the dog virus.  Leave it to me to get something wacky.  So, we will be checking into wacky viruses.  I’ll keep you posted on those results.  Parvo.  Seriously??

Secondly, I’ve got some very scary booby lumps that have everyone a little worried.  I pray that they are nothing, just a reaction to some drug I’m taking or have taken.  I pray that I will wake up one morning and they will miraculously disappear.  All we know is that what started out as one little pea sized lump that was ruled out as being anything other than normal boob tissue is now NOT pea sized and has friends.

I will continue to stay positive, though.  I LOVE my essential oils.  I swear they get me through the day.  I love my apricot kernals (thanks Kinsey!).  I love my turmeric that Dr. Barlogie sent me home with.  I would kill for a cervical adjustment right now, but Lee won’t budge on not adjusting me until I have consent from Dr. Barlogie.  Daddy-o’s so cute with his worry.  It’s very endering…if I say much more he’ll get embarrassed!

All of these ‘natural’ and spiritual medicines make me feel grounded and also make me feel like I can battle the bad parts of chemotherapy.  God gave man the ability to create medicine, but He also blessed us with medicine from the earth.  I think a good healthy combination of the two is the way to go.  Balance is everything!

‘I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  In the world you may have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world.’  John 16:33