You know what is truly frustrating? Having a brilliant blog post suddenly disappear and fall into the mysterious void of my computer. Time is precious, and I can’t get all morning back. I’d pull my hair out if I had any!
Speaking of time, it’s that time again. I leave for Arkansas on on Monday. Next week is FULL of tests. I will have every test that I have had in the past 18 months. That includes a PET scan, multiple MRIs, multiple tests to see how my heart is holding up, a pulimary function test, they will take more tubes of blood than I can count, full body X-Rays, tests that examine bone strength, a fine needle aspirate of the plasmacytoma (the monster in my chest), a bone marrow biopsy, and several others. Then they will gather up all the results, set them on Dr. B’s desk and he will determine how successful the past year has been. No, I’m not nervous. HA!
The last three weeks have been so busy with birthday parties, Valentine’s parties, school field trips, etc. that I haven’t really even thought about the weight of next week. For some reason, anxiety and worry have become a slow drip over the last day or so. Drip…(what if there is M protein present)…drip (what if they find myeloma cells in my biopsy)…drip (what if that stupid monster is no longer stable)…drip (what if my immune system is not improving)…drip (what if my kidney or liver tests are concerning)…drip (Heaven forbid I have a new lesion!)…drip (I am NOT prepared for anything to come back abnormal)…drip (OMG, there are so many things that could come back abnormal!)…DRIP (STUPID CHEMO BRAIN! I don’t even know what all of those abnormal things are!) Note to self: Now that my brain is not being constantly bombarded by toxins, it’s time to start studying.
Needless to say, next week is really a big deal. I know I’ve said it before, but I have some of the most incredible prayer warriors supporting me. If you think of me over the next week and a half, or so, please pray for a positive outcome on all tests. Send hopeful thoughts in my direction. Please pray that I stay in stringent remission, and that I continue to be MRD negative. I know how large my glass is. All of those drips could never reach the top!
‘Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.’ John 14:27