You know what is truly frustrating? Having a brilliant blog post suddenly disappear and fall into the mysterious void of my computer. Time is precious, and I can’t get all morning back. I’d pull my hair out if I had any!

Speaking of time, it’s that time again. I leave for Arkansas on on Monday. Next week is FULL of tests. I will have every test that I have had in the past 18 months. That includes a PET scan, multiple MRIs, multiple tests to see how my heart is holding up, a pulimary function test, they will take more tubes of blood than I can count, full body X-Rays, tests that examine bone strength, a fine needle aspirate of the plasmacytoma (the monster in my chest), a bone marrow biopsy, and several others. Then they will gather up all the results, set them on Dr. B’s desk and he will determine how successful the past year has been. No, I’m not nervous. HA!

The last three weeks have been so busy with birthday parties, Valentine’s parties, school field trips, etc. that I haven’t really even thought about the weight of next week. For some reason, anxiety and worry have become a slow drip over the last day or so. Drip…(what if there is M protein present)…drip (what if they find myeloma cells in my biopsy)…drip (what if that stupid monster is no longer stable)…drip (what if my immune system is not improving)…drip (what if my kidney or liver tests are concerning)…drip (Heaven forbid I have a new lesion!)…drip (I am NOT prepared for anything to come back abnormal)…drip (OMG, there are so many things that could come back abnormal!)…DRIP (STUPID CHEMO BRAIN! I don’t even know what all of those abnormal things are!) Note to self: Now that my brain is not being constantly bombarded by toxins, it’s time to start studying.

Needless to say, next week is really a big deal. I know I’ve said it before, but I have some of the most incredible prayer warriors supporting me. If you think of me over the next week and a half, or so, please pray for a positive outcome on all tests. Send hopeful thoughts in my direction. Please pray that I stay in stringent remission, and that I continue to be MRD negative. I know how large my glass is. All of those drips could never reach the top!

‘Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.’ John 14:27

11 thoughts on “Drip…Drip….

  1. I hope you have been booking it because you certainly have many test next week. We love you and keep you in our prayers.

  2. Praying for you, dear. As I read your blog my heart goes out to you, I cry tears for you. You are so young to have to deal with all you have been dealt, but, you do it beautifully. You are an inspiration to others. As I pray I will also thank God for those birthday and valentine parties that you have been able to participate in, what a blessing indeed! Praying for you momma too, I don’t know who it has been harder on. As a mom yourself you have some idea as to what that would do to you if it were your child. Blessings on the week ahead, may it bring the results you long to hear.

  3. Stephie, Your faith and strength have inspired us all this past year! You have battled through the toughest days feeling dreadful, missing your family and fearing what is ahead of you. You have also fought viscously to heal your body and fight this monster away! You have done this with such grace and blessed us all with finding strength in ourselves to cherish each day. The realization that anyone’s life can change in the blink of an eye. Knowing you continue each day feeling fear and uncertainty breaks my heart! I admire both you and Kris, and can only imagine her heartbreak and weak moments. Caring for her baby. She is one amazing caregiver and Mother. With Your Faith in God, the love and prayers from your family and friends will be ginormous this coming week and into your maintenance period. God is watching over you, I know because I ask Him to everyday as well do the many others you have blessed in sharing your journey. So strong prayers of healing are there constantly! Check. Our love for your family is there always! Check. Now you and Kris go show MM you mean business and kick butt and get back home where you belong! I love you beautiful lady!!! Aunt Kathy

  4. Well said, my sweet sister. Stephanie is the inspiration for us all. Yes, she is my daughter and I love her more than anyone could ever imagine. Seeing her love and support her family through this journey is the true inspiration. Hearing and seeing her love for and support of her family while she is away has been the greatest expression of love and inspiration I have ever experienced. Her determination to beat this monster is a courage beyond anything I could ever imagine. Her desire to give it everything she’s got is the true inspiration. I am honored to be able to be with her every step of the way, but remain ever so humbled by the love that her husband, children, family and friends have for her and she has for them. She is at peace and walks with Our Lord. A mother could not be more proud.

  5. Steph I have never been more sure in my life as I am now regarding next week. I do witness prayers being answered and in many occasions they have been my prayers. I have dreamed about you being home and enjoying your family and friends. The tests next week will have positive outcomes, I envisioned that in my dreams. My mom never doubted her prayers would not be answered and she had some doozies. I am sure my prayers as well as from all those people praying for you will be answered and you will have great results. We love you very much.

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